In a strange turn of events, a secret coven of Wiccans in the great state of Kentucky used magick love spells to turn a troublesome bible thumping local church and civic leader into a “stark raving homosexual”. It all recently came to light after details from sealed court records in a pending lawsuit were leaked to the local press.

To protect our confidential information sources, the names of the parties involved and precise location of the town in Eastern Kentucky shall remain anonymous. However; the events as they unfolded are as follows. It all began in the fall of 2008, when a gay bar opened in the small town where the pastor ministered to his flock.

Enraged that local gays and cross-dressers would have the audacity to venture out of their closets and present themselves openly in a public setting, such that they had, the pious preacher vowed to “run them all to San Francisco where they belong”.

His next step was to appoint a committee of ten post menopausal women in their late 50s to come up with a solution. All sworn to chastity and who hadn't had sex in over a decade. A war strategy of sorts that could be used to finally put an end to the partying and same sex dance floor gyrating that was happening on a nightly basis, just two blocks down the street from his beloved church.

What the war committee of “scowling spinsters” came up with, was a plan to picket the offending bar and hold group prayer vigils aimed at setting the “frolicking gender benders” back on the right path. A plan to hopefully get them all to "settle down", start raising families and in the end, if all goes well, join his church as respectable members of the local community and give him some money every Sunday.

It was the offending bars happy hour on a cloudy late Thursday afternoon, when a group of thin, effeminate men who were in the restroom of the bar doing their makeup and sharing some “girl talk” happened to hear a noise that drew their attention out the window. It was the pastor and his group of "Christian warriors", heads bowed and all praying in unison.

The effect the pastor had hoped for was in fact the exact opposite. Rather then putting the kybosh on all the “sinning” that was openly transpiring, the bartender on duty merely poured a free round of the house special drinks, (Sex on the Beach) and cranked up the jukebox to drown out the noise that was emanating from preacher and his band of do-gooders.

The Magick Love Spells are Cast

It was that very weekend when a local coven of Wiccans got wind of the pastors offensive behavior, stopped by and offered to help out in any way that they could. What was in turn decided, was that magick love spells would be used to entice all the party-pooping-participants in the next bar front prayer session to fall hopelessly in love with each other.

It was assumed that by doing so, the pastor and his mixed group of “men and women” would be too busy as love struck couples at home in bed to ever bother anyone again. The spells were cast and a powerful love potion was also sprinkled liberally on the ground in the general area where the grim faced bible thumpers had been gathering each night for the past week. However; something went “terribly wrong”.

It was quilting night back at the church so none of the women folk could make it to the next scheduled bar front prayer session. Instead a gathering of 13 devoted men, including the pastor all showed up that night to do “Gods work”. The result was a veritable disaster that has left the poor pastors church and its long standing reputation in the community, trashed beyond repair.

All of them, including the pastor himself ended up falling in love and going home together that very night and engaging in an orgy of sordid gay group sex. In fact six of the men in the group can now be found every weekend on the bars dance floor, shirtless & "shakin what they got" in tight jeans to 80s Bee Gees and Village People hits. The magic love spells worked but definitely not as the coven had intended.

The disaster seems to have no end either. It was the leader of the coven who when stricken with guilt over his backfired magick love spells, decided to pay the pastor (who now talks with a heavy lisp) a courtesy call. Rather then smoothing things over, the coven leaders apology threw the pastor into a rage. He went immediately down to the county courthouse and filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit that is still in highly contentious litigation to this day.