In a surprising turn of events that virtually no military strategists could have foreseen, American solders are now using witchcraft love spells to wage peace when they are supposed to be waging war. As if that isn't bad enough, a separate military investigation has uncovered evidence that some US military personal may have formed an actual coven with Taliban and Al Quaeda members.

When contacted for a comment, one senior Marine commander had this to say. “This is a disgrace”! “We sent those solders over there to kill not to spread any crazy message of peace”. “What we need is more blood thirsty Christian warriors not these damn Wiccans”.

Wiccan solders hand out toys made from melted guns

Senior military commanders became suspicious when they began to notice that key pieces of high tech military hardware were coming up missing. A formal investigation was launched and it was subsequently discovered that heavy guns were actually being melted down and converted to childrens toys in local metal shops and being handed out in the villages.

The local metal shops were targeted and raided by a highly trained commando unit, only to find that it was both American and Taliban solders who were doing it. Both sides coming together in peace to destroy their weapons and convert them to toys. The Wicca connection was made when witchcraft paraphernalia and tools were also found on the premises.

It was at a secret CIA torture facility where the whole truth about the scheme to use witch craft love spells to end the war was “squeezed” out of the Afghan Wiccan prisoners but only after pulling their fingernails off with a pair of pliers and burning their eye-balls with lit cigarettes.